"As I mused, the fire burned"

Reflection on life as a person of faith.

Life Transitions

with 2 comments

I realized with some shock the other day, that I have spent longer in my present employ (almost 10 years) than in any other job in my life. While my time with the military totalled 20 years, there was a job change every 1 to 3 years within that time. My four years at AETE were typical – I spent two years in a Captain’s position as an instrumentation engineer, one year as a deputy flight commander (as a Major) and one year as a flight commander. What struck me after that realization was that I’m quite comfortable where I am right now.

This provided some context to understand why I have been loathe to leave this place, even in the face of two years of increasing frustration (and sometimes great anger) over mismangement and generally missing the point of why we exist. Comfort is a powerful drug, one that numbs the heart and the soul to the point where the pain seems somehow small compared to the danger of change.

This was a new experience for me, as my past life had been all about adapting and overcoming in the face of constant change. Even my first four years out of the military involved 2 years of schooling, followed by 2 years of parish service in two different parishes. While the comfort is nice, it is also dangerous in that it breeds complacency.

This was reinforced somewhat by a number of job applications I sent out internal to the public service over the past 12 months. I targetted a whole variety of positions: from ones I was highly qualified for to ones I was barely qualified for. I rewrote my resume and cover letters multiple times, tried different formats and approaches. I even went through and specifically wrote in all the posting key words, in case they used an automated screener to select finalist resumes. All for nought, as I didn’t get a single call back.

Imagine my surprise when I put out my first resume in the private sector and almost immediately received a call back to come in for an immediate interview. At that point I was told that two finalists had already been selected, but my resume was interesting enough that they put the process on hold to allow me to catch up. As I told the search consultant at that point — I appreciated the interest even if it was all for nothing, just to remove the bad taste from my public service job search.

Five work days and three interviews later, I received a job offer where they exceeded my expectations to the point that I didn’t even bother with a counter-offer.

I’m unsettled in a whole new way now that the decision has been made, and resignation notice provided. The comfortable still has such attraction, even with the increasing degree of uncertainty that it presents (mostly because of a radically altered political reality). My conclusion on reflection is that if I met my inner desires, I would likely stay seated in my deck chair as the ship begins to list up to the point I fell off the deck. To do otherwise required a deliberate action to stand and chose a different path — one of some risk and uncertainty.

In my unsettledness, what I’ve realized is that I’m in much the same position as when I decided to leave the military to return to school and to seek ordination. I had some broad-brush ideas about what was to come, but that was all predicated on there first being an act of faith, a stepping off of the ledge, a choice to leap into the water rather than waiting until I fell off.

(this makes me think of the day a classmate decided to dump a bucket of ice water over me in the shower…when I saw him coming I immediately turned the shower full cold, knowing that was the only way to save myself from an even greater system shock had I failed to act)

So ultimately, it comes back to a question of faith in stepping out, and assuredness in who will be there to support me in the new challenges.


Written by sameo416

July 2, 2015 at 2:24 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

2 Responses

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  1. A beautiful leap of faith, and you know you will have lots of us ready to give you human support too!


    July 2, 2015 at 3:28 pm

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